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Joke of the Day

"Your tweet is funny. You didn't hear that short, little exhale through my nose?"

"Losing my virginity was a lot like learning to ride my bike My dad was behind me the whole way."

"Why don't plumbers like to work on instant hot water heaters? It's a tankless job!"

"I keep missing my ex-girlfriend. But my aim is getting better."

"Just saw Elle Fanning. I was blown away."

"This Tweet has been a test of the Emergency Procrastination System."

"Every time I notice some loser has deleted me for being totally awesome, I wish that the small Asian from ""The Hangover"" would pop up on their screen and scream, ""Tooood-a-loooo muthaf$ckaaaaasss!"""

"Retarded people They shouldn't even exist"

"What's the best way to get gum out of your hair? Get cancer."

"Did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side in an accident? He'll be all right."