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Joke of the Day

"Impressing the McDonald's drive thru people with my music is always a top priority"

"Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked."

"*Picks up extra virgin olive oil. *smirks* ""Not for long my friend. Not for long."""

"I'm not racist! I have a colored TV."

"A doctor, a lawyer, a priest, a rabbi, and a nun all walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says ""What is this? A Joke?"""

"What are the man with no shoes say when he was forced to walk on broken glass? Fuck"

"To the people complaining about my tweets. Sorry I'm not justifying your monthly subscription of $0"

"The downside of studying law: you think a lawsuit is the solution to all problems. *resists from threatening Dominos for not giving oregano*"

"What's the difference between a Harley and a hoover? The position of the dirtbag."

"Who invented rhetorical questions? How should I know?"