66672

Joke of the Day

"To the people complaining about my tweets. Sorry I'm not justifying your monthly subscription of $0"

"Did you hear about the wooden car? Wooden move"

"I went to the premature ejaculation clinic today. They told me my appointment isn't until tomorrow."

"Hubs and I have fought so much lately I've lost 10 lbs. I thought about leaving him, but I'd like to lose another 10 lbs first."

"What does primate meat taste like? Oh, it has sort of an orangutang to it."

"Dwayne Johnson's new television show on the food network Can you cook what The Rock is smelling?"

"Women can detect even the smallest of lies, but on TV they tell them they can lose 20 pounds in 5 days and they believe it all."

"Anyone can beat a polygraph.It doesn't even have hands."

"If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, ""Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"""

"I have zero empathy for sociopaths. But to be fair, they don't have any for me, either."