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Joke of the Day

"The largest city in the world is: The largest city in the world is Dublin. That's because the size and population are always Dublin."

"What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? Same time next month?"

"Whats the number one reason for Pedophilia? Sexy children."

"The kid next door just challenged me to a water fight, so I thought I'd tweet this while I wait for the water to boil..."

"I played a piano duet with myself... it was a Heart and Soulo"

"The best way to respond when a girl asks you if she's fat is to fake a seizure."

"Apparently the first thing you should say after you back over your wife's foot is ""I'm sorry"" not ""I guess that means no sex tonight"""

"Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that's not it. Keep thinking! We'll figure this out."

"Every time I notice some loser has deleted me for being totally awesome, I wish that the small Asian from ""The Hangover"" would pop up on their screen and scream, ""Tooood-a-loooo muthaf$ckaaaaasss!"""

"What would you have if your car's motor was in flames? A fire engine."