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Joke of the Day

"What would you have if your car's motor was in flames? A fire engine."

"Why did the hipster fail chemistry? He thought the bond was ironic."

"I found out today it's OK to date a nun.... You just can't get in the habit!"

"I farted loudly in an Apple store and everyone got really pissed off at me. But its not my fault they don't have windows."

"I won $3 million on the Lottery this weekend. I decided to donate a quarter of it to Charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75 and she has $.25"

"[E] open box [empty]"

"I'm going to rehab I realized I need help when I stuck my dick in coke and my razor in a hooker"

"Did you hear about the man who was using apples and oranges for flooring? He started to lay them down when he realized it was fruit-tile."

"My wife is so educated She has a PhD in yelling sciences."

"Flight attendant:""Would you like the chicken or the pasta?"" Me:""What would you suggest?"" Flight Attendant:""Eat before you get on the plane."""