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Joke of the Day

"Two men walk into a bar... *Thwack* *Thwack* Both are sent to the hospital for concussions"

"I wrote a book It's called Oceans 2: The Seaquel"

"If I close my eyes while my 3 year old pours her cereal I can hear the relaxing sound of thousands of Cheerios raining on the floor."

"If a lady ever jumped out of my cake goddamnit she better be holding more cake"

"I sincerely hope Trump does become President Because at least Australian Politics won't be the butt of every joke anymore. Sincerely, still a rather embarrassed Australian citizen."

"Wife: He's always rewriting the past.. Therapist: is this true? Me: [doesn't hear because I'm typing 'Shrek killed Hitler' into Wikipedia]"

"That toddler on a leash at the mall might be an unstoppable killing machine. You really don't know."

"Why was the bee sent out of class? Because he was beehiving badly."

"Logged out of Twitter for a few hours... Finally graduated college, lost some weight, showered, read 17 books, and started a family."

"What do you call a video game that gives cancer? Tombr Aider"