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Joke of the Day
"""Uhm, EXCUSE me, my eyes are out HERE."" -- Hammerhead sharks"
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"What's the difference between a prostitute with dysentery and an epileptic oyster shucker? The epileptic oyster shucker shucks between fits."
"HR: You said: You're ""moist"" welcome? Me: Autocorrect. HR: You're fine. Me: Sweet! HR: I meant: you're fired. Autocorrect."
"Remember, Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks."
"What did the white guy say when he saw the twelve black men in the jury box? ""Great, it's a hung jury."""
"Anonymity on the internet allows us to be whatever we want to be, but I'm glad most of us went with ""perverted idiot""."
"I like to jump onto people's backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away"
"What did the lightbulb say to its mother? I wuv you watts and watts."
"What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a healthy dog have in common? 84% of their dna"
"""Here's Ted with the weather."" ""..."" ""I said... Here's Ted with the weather."" ""..."" ""Ted?"" ""THAT's what an unanswered text feels like, Sue."""