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Joke of the Day

"I want to open a Jamaican/Irish/Spanish small plate breakfast restaurant And call it ""Tapas the Mornin' to Ja."" RIP Harris Wittels."

"Lost in a corn maze? Light it on fire. Turn it into a popcorn maze. Eat your way out."

"What is the hardest part of eating a vegetable? The wheelchair."

"Ladies: Stop looking for a man to sweep you off your feet.....Sweeping is your job."

"What do you get when you cross an orchard with a concentration camp? apple juice"

"What was the rock band doing at the kitchen sink? Moshing the dishes"

"My girlfriend said I was too controlling ... and it wasn't her turn to speak."

"I'm already getting anxious over Christmas due to my Santa Claustrophobia-the fear of being smothered in an elevator by a crowd of Santas."

"How to taste wine: 1. Slosh. 2. Smell. 3. Slosh. 4. Place ear over glass to hear the flavor. 5. Write short historical fiction starring wine"

"We have rappers who used to be pimps and gangsters telling us not to download music because it's stealing."