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Joke of the Day

"A man goes to Macy's to buy a sweater. He swipes his card but it didn't register. The cashier asks him to try his card again and the man replies, ""I already did and it fits great!"""

"18: You & I are getting fat bec. u cook so damn good! IT'S.ALL.YOUR.FAULT! I was insulted, complimented, then scolded in under 2.5 seconds."

"Two men walk into a bar Ouch"

"Why are Jewish Women like the Bermuda triangle They both swallow seamen."

"How do elves spell? With an elfabet."

"I came across my parents doing it in the bathroom!!! My dad was like, ""Where do I go now?"""

"I have been suffering from Priapism for the last 2 days My wife is taking it pretty hard"

"I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be ""saved"" or you'll ""burn""... Stupid Firemen. [x-post /r/Christianity]"

"Just think about this: Jeff Goldblum is someone's uncle. Jeff Goldblum goes to someone's house for holidays and is Jeff Goldblum."

"I went on a date with a Vacuum Salesperson last night... It sucked."