231272

Joke of the Day

"I buy my own f*cking lemons because you know what? life doesn't hand anyone anything for free."

"What's brown and sticky? Parcel tape."

"I told my wife 'a blowjob a day keeps the doctor away.' For Christmas she bought me better medical coverage."

"Michael Jackson is the epitome of the American Dream Only in America could a poor, black boy become a rich, white woman"

"I leave the window open at night hoping a drunk criminal will accidentally drop a bag of money inside while trying to break in."

"What do you call the drummer that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless."

"I walked into my bosses office and yelled, ""Three to five cellular layers of skin."" ""What?"" he laughed. ""I'm just saying what's on everyone's lips."""

"Just saw the Lego Movie... ...it was very well *pieced* together! (Got this off Doug Benson's 'Doug Loves Movies' podcast)"

"Why didn't Mark Hamill go crazy while voice acting as the Joker? Because he overcame the dark side"

"What's the difference between everybody and bullets? Everybody misses Harambe."