21804

Joke of the Day

"18: You & I are getting fat bec. u cook so damn good! IT'S.ALL.YOUR.FAULT! I was insulted, complimented, then scolded in under 2.5 seconds."

"I don't know what fool first decided to put carrots in the cake, but they sure lucked out."

"Me and my best friend reverse our cars everywhere together. We go back a long way."

"Steven Hawking nearly died last year. Luckily they sorted him out, they just switched him off and back on again."

"For what it's worth, I'd like to exchange some foreign currency."

"What's the difference between a man and an octopus? Octopus: eight tentacles, each its own neural structure that offloads work from the brain Human Male: one tentacle which controls brain"

"What did the racist chef say to Lenny Kravitz? Get to the back of the oven..."

"Pork is awesome, but it's best when used as a verb."

"Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? *teleports two inches to the right*"

"My roommate is a chemistry major, and plays the organ.. One could say that he's an organic chemist."