121996

Joke of the Day

"Whenever I'm feeling hopeful for future generations, I squelch it by watching my children move their heads instead of their toothbrushes."

"How does Lord Voldemort like his pussy? (whisper) HHAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY"

"Crime rates are down 100% after President Obama made it illegal to do crimes. ""I don't know why we didn't think of this before,"" he said."

"Purple is my favorite colour. I like it more than red and blue combined."

"Q: You can sleep on it, brush your teeth with it and sit on it, what is it? A: A bed, a tooth brush, and a chair."

"APPLE GENIUS: how did u get so much water on the laptop [flashback to me taking my laptop into the shower so i could tweet] ME: hurricane"

"Marriage - Some days are just tough I look forward to those"

"What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a light bulb!"

"Tacky on you, that outfit is! Tacky on who? [Tachyon!](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tachyon) Who's there? Knock, knock!"

"Old Wang says to his friend Old Chen It is so sweet, you have been married 50 years and you still call your wife 'sweetheart'. What is your secret? Chen says, ""it is because I have forgotten her name"""