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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally got in the 10 items or less line with 11 items again, so I made two separate transactions so I wouldn't piss anyone off."

"Why do Indians hate snow? It's white and it's on their land."

"""So did you hear Bruce Willis passed away?"" ""Really? How?"" ""Suicide. Overdosed on Viagra and Cialis."" ""That's terrible!"" ""Well, he always wanted to Die Hard."""

"Going to a wedding today: Me: Do I look ok boys? 6: You look fine. 9: You look wow. Clearly I have work to do with the little one."

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!!"

"the ultimate pick up poem as told by my drunk father Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a gun, Get in the van"

"Why did the maniacal chemist drop a rancher into his latest concoction? Because the rancher was a cattlist."

"I'm about to see if two carrot sticks can undo the damage of three margaritas and six hot dogs."

"Whats the worse part of being a pedophile? Trying to fit in."

"A teenage girl found out that she was pregnant. She thought to herself ""My mom's gonna kill me"". the newly formed embryo did the same."