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Joke of the Day

"A teenage girl found out that she was pregnant. She thought to herself ""My mom's gonna kill me"". the newly formed embryo did the same."

"What did Matthew McConaughey say after voting for Trump? alt right, alt right, alt right"

"Really stupid math joke What do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Dec 25 = Oct 31"

"My girlfriend was on her. So I put it in her:"

"What's Lorde's favourite band? Yeah Yeah Yeahs"

"Do you know why it's called the Holy Land? Because it's full of bullet holes."

"It's 80 degrees in San Francisco today. Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their dicks."

"*unplugs 100% charged iphone* *slides to unlock* battery 43%"

"Where is the best place for a 1-legged waitress to work? IHOP"

"5-year-old daughter: Why does Mom wear makeup? Me: To look pretty. 5: But she's already pretty. Me: Aww. 5: Dad, you should wear makeup."