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Joke of the Day

"the ultimate pick up poem as told by my drunk father Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a gun, Get in the van"

"A friend asked how I'd describe a hot air balloon, and I just told him it's a lot like my ex, but with a basket."

"Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison? You know he's guilty."

"I would like to be a zombie because when someone asked me if I had a boyfriend I could just eat them."

"What is the average lifespan of an owl? A little over 6 books."

"I like to mute CNN and imagine they're arguing about what appetizer, or appetizers, to order at TGIFridays."

"The Inuits don't deal with your crap, because they're having Nunavut."

"Happy Fourth of July. May your emails be gathered and your drones fly forever free!"

"when no one is looking, squirrels use donuts as hula hoops"

"What do you call a drummer who has lost one of his drumsticks? A conductor."