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Joke of the Day
"Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl going the bathroom? Because the P is silent."
Next Joke
"My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji."
"I renewed my driver's license today and was asked if I wanted to be an organ donor. I declined but did offer to give them my old harmonica."
"""BE CAREFUL! I HAVE OSTEOPOROSIS!"" She snapped."
"*Rolls window down* Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: is it because I'm literally running down the street pretending to be a car?"
"I keep having these fantasies about the beautiful Lottery Lady on Saturday Evening TV ... .... No, not about winning the jackpot, I'm imagining her holding my balls in her hands."
"A midget fortune teller killed his clients and fled... He is a small medium at large."
"""Five year plan?"" [shuffles papers] ...written down here somewhere ... Ahh, here it is, lemme clean the cheese off this Mcmuffin wrapper"
"What's the Islamist term for acceptable internet humor? Ha-lol."
"""Sorry but It's me or the label maker."" [takes GIRLFRIEND label off her shirt] ""Thank y-"" [sticks on a label that says EX-GIRLFRIEND]"