88856

Joke of the Day

"*Rolls window down* Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: is it because I'm literally running down the street pretending to be a car?"

"What's the worst part of locking your keys in the car at an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger."

"What did one orphan say to the other? Robin get in the Bat mobile."

"[Phone with Mom] ""Did you just friend request me?"" I'm on fb now ""I'm not adding you"" Fine do your own laundry then *accepts friend request*"

"My Sunday School teacher is so old... .. when the New Testament came out she said ""I don't care for the new curriculum."""

"At lunch with 5 of my bestest phones!!!"

"Just wrote ""58008"" on my calculator app and when I turned it upside-down, it auto-orientated back to the right way up. I hate the future."

"I think Jerry Springer should moderate the next debate."

"Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't. They're born that way."

"These attacks in Paris were really terrible 13/11 never baguette"