227305

Joke of the Day

"""Five year plan?"" [shuffles papers] ...written down here somewhere ... Ahh, here it is, lemme clean the cheese off this Mcmuffin wrapper"

"Why do most black men's eyes appear bloodshot after sex? Mace."

"What kind of people are always in a damn hurry? Russians"

"[body shape - help request] M, 18, struggling to get rid of a body fit for a 46 year old... Seriously guys, do I cut it up or just bury it whole?"

"what do you call a mexican who lost his car? carlos"

"*breaks out of prison *hunted by police for weeks *crawls thru 22 miles of mud to your house* Me: <taps on your window> DID YOU GET MY TEXT?"

"A skeleton walks into a bar He orders a beer and a mop"

"I've recently started to play Dark Souls III It only took me 2 hours to beat the torturial."

"Hunger Games. Zimbabwe's favorite pastime."

"I tossed a quarter at my girlfriend... ""Ouch, that hit me in the head!"" I look back and reply, ""good, maybe that'll knock some cents into you"" I'll see myself out."