227305

Joke of the Day

"""Five year plan?"" [shuffles papers] ...written down here somewhere ... Ahh, here it is, lemme clean the cheese off this Mcmuffin wrapper"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Ahmed ! Ahmed who ? Ahmed a big mistake coming here !"

"Gotta get me one of those iPhone-credit-card holders so I can lose everything at once and be totally completely fucked forever."

"I can make you speak like an Indian. How? That's right!"

"What do Nate Diaz and Jaime Lannister have in common? They're both Kingslayers and fuck their sisters."

"What do you call pizza that isn't yours? Impersonal pizza"

"A sad time in a dad's life is when your son finally dunks on you so you have to cut his hamstring while he sleeps so he can't do it again"

"You know you are successful when ... Girls from school who ignored you on facebook back in the day all of a sudden want to add you on linkedin."

"My great great grandfather died at Custer's last stand? He didn't die fighting he was camping nearby and went over to complain about the noise."

"hi Why didnt Spock make a record of their voyage? Because it was deep space . (the joke is how the outer space was very deep)"