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Joke of the Day

"""Five year plan?"" [shuffles papers] ...written down here somewhere ... Ahh, here it is, lemme clean the cheese off this Mcmuffin wrapper"

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"Why do most black men's eyes appear bloodshot after sex? Mace."
"What kind of people are always in a damn hurry? Russians"
"[body shape - help request] M, 18, struggling to get rid of a body fit for a 46 year old... Seriously guys, do I cut it up or just bury it whole?"
"what do you call a mexican who lost his car? carlos"
"*breaks out of prison *hunted by police for weeks *crawls thru 22 miles of mud to your house* Me: <taps on your window> DID YOU GET MY TEXT?"
"A skeleton walks into a bar He orders a beer and a mop"
"I've recently started to play Dark Souls III It only took me 2 hours to beat the torturial."
"Hunger Games. Zimbabwe's favorite pastime."
"I tossed a quarter at my girlfriend... ""Ouch, that hit me in the head!"" I look back and reply, ""good, maybe that'll knock some cents into you"" I'll see myself out."