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Joke of the Day

"I'm starting to think I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my own home."

"My version of ""naked and afraid"" is when I'm in the shower, soap in my eyes, and I hear a weird noise."

"""Miley Cyrus: 'Society Wants to Shut Me Down'"". Not down, Miley. Up."

"Just seen a Disney trailer. I've just seen a Disney trailer It said, ""A new movie from the people that brought you Up."" Flipping Heck! I never knew Mum and Dad made films."

"Things I Suck At: 1. straws, ha ha jk lol 2. Parallel parking, no seriously, I'm really terrible at this 3. straws, haha same joke as before"

"Sometimes I wish I was a cat just so I can constantly ignore everything said to me while licking the inside of my thigh."

"Just as my teachers said, math has proven useful in my everyday life. For example, yesterday I dropped my keys into a toilet and made an integral out of wire."

"""My brother's coming over for dinner."" Ugh, is he still talking only in country names? *brother walks in* ""Chad Hungary. Jamaica Turkey?"""

"Voting this year will be like going to the dentist... No one wants to do it, but we all know we should for our own good."

"A Horse Walks Into A Bar And the bartender says ""Why the long face?"" The horse replies, ""My alcoholism is destroying my family"""