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Joke of the Day

"Just as my teachers said, math has proven useful in my everyday life. For example, yesterday I dropped my keys into a toilet and made an integral out of wire."

"Doctor: You have to stop eating donuts... Me: OK D:...so that I can start the operation. M: [STUFFING DONUT UNDER OXYGEN MASK] For later."

"Based on the number of nurses on twitter, I now know why I'm bleeding to death in the ER."

"I feel like before a bee stings a human, all his dumb bee friends are like ""you can totally take him."""

"What do you call it when guys find older women unusually attractive? The Stunning-Cougar Effect."

"Tried to catch fog yesterday... Mist."

"What's the #1 cause of pedophilia? ...sexy kids NOTE: Don't let this note, my acct. name, and the fact that this is only my second post interrupt your comedic ~~enboyment~~ enjoyment"

"What do you call a cross between an elephant and a rhino? 'Ell if i know."

"*Eating mini Reese's cups* 5&7: Mommy what are you eating? M: Dog poop."

"How many ""friend-zoned"" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just compliment it and get pissed when it wont screw."