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Joke of the Day

"Things I Suck At: 1. straws, ha ha jk lol 2. Parallel parking, no seriously, I'm really terrible at this 3. straws, haha same joke as before"

"My girlfriend complained about my obsession with spices. So I said, ""Bae, leave."""

"I suspect my girlfriend is cheating on me Every time we have sex, she calls me Jesus. *Oh Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus , Oh Jesus!*"

"Today is the rest of the world's 9/11 No, seriously, look up the calendar."

"Make a customer service representative's day by ending your call with: ""Thank you...you're my only friend in this miserable world."""

"Instead of God, try worshipping a golf cart for a few years and see if it makes any difference."

"A son asks his old man... ""Dad, are you gay?"" ""Who told you? Was it your father?"""

"My parents kidnapped me. I was then born."

"Order a pizza then act confused when it arrives. ""A delivery for Aaron? Aarons DEAD. He DIED ordering a pizza in this house 10 years ago"""

"How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god it."