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Joke of the Day

"Things I Suck At: 1. straws, ha ha jk lol 2. Parallel parking, no seriously, I'm really terrible at this 3. straws, haha same joke as before"

"A man stands over the coffin of his deceased wife. ""Her star sign was cancer you know"" he says. "" I guess it's ironic..."" ""That she was killed by a giant crab."""

"Hostess: Table for one? Me: More like TABLE FOR FUN, AMIRITE? Hostess: ... Me: ... Hostess: ... Me: Yes, one please."

"When starting a new relationship it's important to remember that someone already screwed them up for you."

"The phone cops got a new case. It fit snuggly."

"How did the farmer grow his portfolio? Cornstock"

"What do you call 4 chinese guys and 4 black guys standing in a line? A sprinkler, chink chink chink chink nigga nigga nigga nigga"

"I've been sleeping with my maid for the past 3 years. Just don't tell me wife, she hates it when I call her that."

"I heard this song by the Righteous Brothers I cant remember what its called, but it was off the chain"

"If Jesus died for our sin... Who died for our cos and tan?"