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Joke of the Day

"My version of ""naked and afraid"" is when I'm in the shower, soap in my eyes, and I hear a weird noise."

"Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It didn't want to get stuck in any cracks."

"Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? Because he was outstanding in his field!"

"There's nothing funny about leaked celebrity nudes Which is good because it's hard to masturbate while laughing."

"[first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] ""Dr that's the model skeleton"""

"There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"It was a sad day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe. Not even remotely."

"Whats the last thing you want to hear before you go to sleep? Zippity Bop, Puddin' pop!"

"Ran into my ex the other day Then I put it in reverse. Then I ran her over."

"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory! I only took a day off!"