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Joke of the Day

"So Amish people just yell their tweets from the top of their barns?"

"*stands in front yard, hands on hips, giving each autumn leaf that falls on my lawn a stern, disapproving look*"

"If you think you're having a bad day.. just remember, somebody is going to have Snooki as a mom"

"Lunatic escapes from an asylum, goes to a launderette where he rapes three women before running off into the woods. Next morning's newspaper headlines read.... # **NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS**"

"A lion walks the desert and sees an armored knight. ""Oh no, not canned meat again!"""

"My friend said he was worried he's losing his hair I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head"

"What did the impatient cow say at the stampede? MOOOOOOVE !"

"How do you get into a pool full of women? Easy, it's called muff diving."

"I've been sending naked pictures of myself to the TSA. I'm not traveling anywhere, but as an American, I want to be helpful."

"What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking in a house fire."