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Joke of the Day

"*stands in front yard, hands on hips, giving each autumn leaf that falls on my lawn a stern, disapproving look*"

"What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer."

"I'm inventing a glue and calling it James Bond... It's a chemical agent."

"""You want to see a pig with three eyes?"" A piiig"

"Toasts are like parents... If they are black, you have nothing to eat"

"You don't need to wear clothes in public if you can run fast enough."

"I came very close to death last night. I had a wank in a graveyard."

"How long does 8 sleep for? Forever."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Baby Owl ! Baby Owl who ? Baby Owl see you later maybe I won't !"

"Do buses and trains run on time? Usually yes. No they don't. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks."