108503

Joke of the Day

"Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. Pee is yellow. Shit is brown. I am drunk. This is a tweet."

"you are so beautiful without makeup. -my husband, after he saw i spent $62 on an eyeshadow."

"volcano (n.) [vol-key-noh] A mountain getting its rocks off."

"How did NASCAR get that name? Redneck: 'That's nascar ye got there."""

"What's white, digs holes in your garden and helps with headaches? A paracetamole!"

"I'm 0C and what is this? Get it? Lol"

"I shot a frog once. It croaked."

"LPT: If you need to remove your contact lenses after touching spicy peppers (Ghost, etc.) Leave the contacts in. I don't recommend going to the bathroom either."

"I was having dinner with my folks when dad called me a son of a bitch. I said, ""Listen, I don't disagree--but she's sitting right THERE."""

"My Uncle was fired for sleeping with one of his patients... The worst part is that he's a veterinarian. Lol just kidding, he's a pediatrician."