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Joke of the Day

"LPT: If you need to remove your contact lenses after touching spicy peppers (Ghost, etc.) Leave the contacts in. I don't recommend going to the bathroom either."

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"April Showers bring May Flowers. What do May Flowers bring? Genocide."
"Who is the idiot that called it ""possession of marijuana"" and not ""joint custody""?"
"My local psychic closed down... ..due to unforeseen circumstances"
"What was the main difference between the war in Vietnam and the war in Iraq? George Bush had a plan to get out of Vietnam."
"What is the most religious unit in electrical engineering? Ohm."
"Me: my best friend is my wife Everyone: awwww My Best Friend Carl: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT YOUR WIFE"
"Policeman: Name please? Woman: Cheryl Cole Policeman: Your FULL name Woman: (quietly) Chernobyl Coleslaw"
"Why are there only 49 'Black Miss America' contestants? Because none of them want to be Miss I-da-ho"
"I used to have dreams... then I became an insomniac"