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Joke of the Day
"you are so beautiful without makeup. -my husband, after he saw i spent $62 on an eyeshadow."
Next Joke
"My wise grandfather once told me, ""The small things in life are often the most beautiful."" Guess that explains my midget fetish."
"Mechanic said I blew a seal... Technically, it was a sea lion, but more importantly, how did he even know?"
"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently more than 5, because my basement is still dark."
"Anyone who believes in telekinesis... ...raise my hand"
"[prehistoric times] MUM: When you get married, your husband will be the hunter DAUGHTER: So I gather"
"[Paranormal Investigator shows up at Disney World] Ok, show me this so-called ""haunted mansion"""
"What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands? Having half a screaming child on your hands."
"He whispered in my ear that he liked being called daddy. I whispered back that I liked being called a cab."
"What kind of yoga do you do in a casket? Decom-pose."