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Joke of the Day

"""People keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them"" ""By mistake?"" ""Not you as well""."

"(Neighbor, curious): What's wrong with little Timmy? (Mom, sad): He went to Jared."

"A donkey falls into a bowl of sugar... Now, that's a sweet ass."

"What do you call an alien civil rights activist? Martian Luther King jr."

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. They are very efficient, and have no sense of humor."

"If Hillary had a sex change, then we still wouldn't have a female president... except for North Carolina."

"Have you heard the new yoga joke? It's kind of a stretch..."

"I have a physical limitation from achieving any of my goals My fucking spine. Holds me back."

"The other day my dessert looked like it was undressing me with it's eyes... It was a total crepe."

"""You know, your ex-wife was trash! I never liked her."" ""We're still married, Grandma."" ""She's such a lovely girl."""