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Joke of the Day

"Maybe the seventh time around I'll feel different about finding something I want to eat if I glance in the fridge just once more."

"What do you call a docks nanny? An Au'Peir"

"The joke about the sun Well it's too hot to handle. And the joke about the circle has no point."

"TIFU by taking a shower. I wonder if they've noticed it's missing yet?"

"What do you say to Aziz Ansari when you forget his birthday? Aziz, I'm sorry."

"If you masturbate on an plane, is it ""hi-jacking""?"

"[somebody steals my car] it's only metal. the important thing is no one was hurt [somebody steals my tweet] MAY VULTURES FEAST ON YOUR EYES"

"Geeze, how's all the news in Nepal? It's really shaking me up!"

"Are you all right? No, you are all left!"

"I bought the wife a new bag for her birthday..... Hoover works a treat now!"