102062

Joke of the Day

"TIFU by taking a shower. I wonder if they've noticed it's missing yet?"

"Did you hear about the constipated composer? He couldn't finish the last movement."

"My girlfriend messed up baking a tart She was to re-tart it"

"As a kid I could never understand why my mother would not let me play near the train tracks across the street from my house. Then it hit me."

"Have fun, but be careful. Your sister was vacuumed up last week, and yesterday your cousin was killed with a shoe. - spider moms, probably"

"Knock Knock. Who's there? No, he's on first. **I totally just thought of this, where do I go to collect my money?** *Edit: spelling"

"Dad said he met my stepmom outside a strip club... ""But Dad, you said you met her on a golf course!"" ""Exactly. We weren't inside a strip club."""

"Person: ""That's a beautiful baby."" Me: ""Thanks, I named him after his grandpa."" Person: ""Awe, what's his name?"" Me: ""Grandpa."""

"When a Vietnamese person has the same first and last name... It's a Nguyen Nguyen situation."

"Why do Donald Trump's hands seem to act erratically and sometimes seem to stop where they are at the worst times? He suffers from low-handwidth..."