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Joke of the Day

"Today is Star Wars Day, which means we should all reflect on a simpler time in our lives, when Harrison Ford didn't have an earring."

"Me: That tree is impeckable ""Don't you mean impeccable?"" *cut to woodpecker with a broken beak* Me: No. Also how did you pick up on that?"

"Is a brain dead cow a vegetable? My room mate came up with this one earlier, has anyone ever heard it?"

"Why shouldn't you tell a pirate your secrets? They ain't private ears. (I don't care if a six year old came to this first thirty years ago, it just came to me.)"

"My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That's the last time we're playing Monopoly."

"I can finally scratch ""murdering an anonymous vagrant"" off my bucket list. I didn't do it, it just doesn't seem all that appealing anymore I guess."

"My father always told me ""Son, you are what you eat"". Guess i'm a dick."

"Why do postmen carry letters? Because the letters can't go anywhere by themselves."

"I've been fired for a childish behaviour Apparently, sucking tits of my female coworkers wasn't such a good idea."

"Why did the feminist refuse a back rub? Too massagynistic"