163221

Joke of the Day

"Q: ""How long were you at your last job?"" A: ""Seven-and-a-half inches... same as now"""

"Kiefer Sutherland is filming next season of '24' in Magaluf. The main villain will be an 18 year old blowing 24 victims up."

"How is a man like a snowstorm? You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last."

"""Sorry, that was my bad."" ""Your bad what?"" ""No. I'm just sayin': Sorry. My bad."" ""You're bad at completing an apologetic sentence?"" ""Yeah"""

"What the difference between jews and harry potter Harry got out of the chamber alive"

"I hope that one day I can be as proud about anything as my cat is about his asshole."

"For Valentine's Day my GF upped my life insurance policy. Unrelated, anyone know why there's a ticking sound coming from underneath my car?"

"Since we are doing lightbulb jokes, here's one... Q: How many abstract artists does it to screw in a lightbulb? A: A fish!"

"The dent ""I noticed you've got a dent on your car?"" ""Yeah."" ""Oh. Did you drink too much last evening?"" ""Yes, I did."" ""I see. So your wife had to drive you home?"" ""Exactly."""

"Did you know: Wi-Fi is short for ""wireless fireless."" Pre-wi-fi all internet was fire based. Firewall, firewire, ""fire up the computer"" etc."