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Joke of the Day

"Apparently, ""Step up your game"" isn't the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are."

"Pete and Repete walk into a bar... Pete and Repete walk into a bar, Pete walks out. Who is left?"

"Apparently impatient midgets don't like to stand on clocks... because it would make them short on time."

"Hey girl, are you an empty refrigerator? Because you don't have to be running"

"Did you hear about the swingers.. that got kicked out of the swap meet?"

"A programmer goes to do groceries. His wife tell him: -- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen. He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread. -- But why?, she asks. -- They had eggs."

"Whats brown and sticky? A stick"

"What did sushi A say to sushi B? Wassa B."

"I let Jesus be my co-pilot once. Terrible decision, really. I was all, ""Drive, Jesus! Drive!"" And he was like, ""No hablo ingles, senor!"""

"My girlfriend left a note on the fridge ""This is not working. I'm going to my mom's house."" I opened the fridge. The light came on. The beer was cold. What the hell is she talking about?"