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Joke of the Day

"Go to a botanical garden? Haha, yeah, okay. Like I want to pay money to walk through a giant salad"

"ME[David Attenborough voice] Starting with the outer layers he'll devour the entire carcass HER: are you narrating yourself eating lasagna?"

"Two fish were in a tank. One says, you man the main cannon, I'll drive."

"WIFE: I love you NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: My experiences with you lead to an increase in dopamine and oxytocin as well"

"Sometimes I walk up to a plant and exhale carbon dioxide all over it. Did I save its life? Maybe. Am I a hero? That's for history to decide."

"An excaped convict fell out of a polishing machine and landed on a worker. He was struck by a smooth criminal."

"I tried to make belt out of watches... ...but it was just a waist of time."

"What sea creature is regularly featured in The Walking Dead? CORAL"

"What's Bruce Lee's favorite drink? WA TAA!!!"

"A dozen fish are in a tank. Then one proclaims: ""Can anybody drive this thing?"""