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Joke of the Day

"[quickly jumps into the back of a cab] ME: How far will this get me? *i hand the driver 14 peanut m&ms with the chocolate sucked off*"

"Nuts nsfw What's nuts on the wall? Walnut What's nuts on a chest? Chestnut What's nuts on your chin? MY DICK IN YOUR MOUTH"

"A scientist claims to have 100,000 pieces of evidence that Bigfoot exists. How about one, a f#cking Bigfoot??"

"Wife: Your PMS jokes aren't funny. Me: I can't help it, they just flow out of my mouth. Wife: ... Me: Fine. No more. Period. Wife: *eyeroll*"

"Mariah Carey'a New Year's performance. That's it..."

"Did you hear about the secret cure for everything that the government doesn't want us to know about? Exactly..."

"My favorite pastime is roasting marshmallows over the bridges I burn."

"What's the difference between Niagara and Viagra? Niagara falls."

"NSFW I got rejected from a job interview. Apparently, when asked an example you worked well in a team, ""gangbag"" is not an acceptable answer."

"Anyone have a good birthday joke? My sister's birthday is today, and I'm looking for a good one to call her with."