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Joke of the Day
"Mariah Carey'a New Year's performance. That's it..."
Next Joke
"How many ants does it take to fill an apartment? Tenants"
"I plan to forgive and forget. Forgive myself for being stupid and forget you ever existed."
"[maintains eye contact while slowly rearranging the dishwasher]"
"Kim Kardashian getting 6 million dollars stolen is a lot like if I got the condom that's been in my wallet since I was 12 stolen... Am I gonna miss it? Yeah. Was I gonna use it? No."
"I say ""fight me"" a lot for a girl that's 5'2"" and has a tough time opening some doors because they're too heavy."
"What idiot named it the English Channel instead of the BB Sea"
"My autobiography would just be a really long Taco Bell receipt."
"What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' Catholic"
"There's two things I don't like about my sons new partner. He's black"