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Joke of the Day

"Establish your dominance with the drive-thru attendant by saying, ""That completes my order"" before they ask."

"I was once stoned in Memphis And I entered this weird contest where you had to walk on famous Jessicas. I was walking with my feet 10 ft off a Beal."

"Everyone has a thigh gap... ...when they're doing the splits."

"We have great news. We're pregnant! -Awesome! Do u know the sex yet? Of course we know 'the sex'. How do u think we got pregnant, silly?"

"Why did the kid only water half the lawn? Because there was a 50% chance of rain"

"Did you hear about the guy who got chilled to absolute zero? Hes 0K now."

"""I'd pap that."" - Gynecolgist"

"Hey, redditors of Cuba ...oh, my bad."

"Why didn't they use Black Phosphorous? It doesn't work."

"A very wealthy man from Britain has purchased the Bates Motel.... Now it is Master Bates Motel.. I haven't had my coffee yet, this is the best I got"