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Joke of the Day

"We have great news. We're pregnant! -Awesome! Do u know the sex yet? Of course we know 'the sex'. How do u think we got pregnant, silly?"

"We had a nice, quiet dinner last night... Except for the Celery, of course!"

"What's the difference between a fort and a fortress? A fortress has breastworks."

"You know what they say about corn? You only borrow it..."

"Hide a metal rake in your leaf pile to keep the neighborhood kids from messing it up."

"A man and a woman are sitting next to each other... The woman says ""If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee."" The man says ""If you were my wife, I'd drink it."""

"What's the difference between a 4WD and a rental car? A rental car can drive anywhere."

"Best pick up line ever (video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajCw5XThfsI"

"My friends are like ""hey come camping with us this weekend"" & I'm like ""I can't, I have to get new friends"""

"just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I'm gonna need a minute"