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Joke of the Day

"i have claimed all of you on my taxes as a deduction so if someone else asks tell them it is too late"

"An orangutan in the zoo has two books The Bible and Darwin's Origin Of Species. He's trying to figure out if he's his brother's keeperor his keeper's brother."

"It's international women's day. But apparently my local strip club didn't get the memo. Went there today and all the girls were from my country. No international women at all."

"Feed me once shame on you, Feed me twice i'm moving in."

"next time you feel depressed with yourself, remember that you're about 70% water & thats cool af"

"What paint is most popular in modern buildings? Microsoft Paint"

"My boss just fired me because I spent the past 45 minutes taking a crap. I don't see why he can't just clean it off his desk, and move on."

"It's not fair that lab animals get to test all those nice cosmetics while I'm stuck using the cheap stuff."

"there's literally no way to know for sure how many chameleons are chillin in your house right now"

"The last person who bought golden oreos at my Neighborhood's Walgreens and realized there was an entire row missing. I'm so sorry.."