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Joke of the Day

"If I was a squirrel I'd chuck my nuts in your hole!"

"A brand new cemetery for the greats now will let anyone be buried there Lots of people are dying to get in!"

"I have a picture of Leonard Nimoy holding a kitten. I call it Spock and Aww. Thank you. Goodnight, everybody."

"[on date] ME: I like my women like I like my wine WAITER: [arrives] Anything to drink? ME: [clears throat] One glass of very hot wine please"

"i told my cat i was gonna teach him to speak English ... he looked at me & said ""Me? how?"""

"Do you know what's fucking intense? Camping with your girlfriend."

"Q: Where do you look for blonde's obituaries? A: Under ""Home Improvements."""

"I was going to be a baker But I couldn't raise enough dough."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light-bulb? THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"

"Penis Enlarger My wife suggested I get a penis enlarger. So I did, she's 25 and her name is Kelly."