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Joke of the Day

"What is ISIS's favorite type of text? Is the answer: A: Heading B: Heading C: Heading"

"It's become so annoying at weddings, when elderly relatives start playing the game of ""I wonder who'll be next""... ...so I've started doing the same to them at funerals."

"What's the square root of 69? Eight something."

"Decorating my xmas tree after a bottle of wine. Mixed up a box of candy canes with a box of tampons. Tree looks weird and I feel minty."

"My plumber insists on personally using every toilet he just installed. His mission is to boldly go where no one has gone before. Sorry Gene. We still love you."

"Why did the pregnant girl struggle so much with grammar? She had no periods!"

"How much money does the Treasurer of the United States make? All of it."

"Sorry I used your baby's bald head as a lipstick blotter."

"Florida lawmaker Randall Thompson is forced to resign after it is revealed he spent taxpayer money on expensive footwear for his wife. I guess Randall mishandled his panhandle sandal scandal."

"How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?"