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Joke of the Day

"Starting a conversation Do you know how heavy a polar bear is? Enough to break the ice. *winks*"

"Hi 911, I'd like to report a drunk naked guy blasting off truck nuts w/ a shotgun. Time of incident? [takes drink] In about 20 minutes lol"

"What did Cinderella say before she got to the ball? Aghagghhghgagaggag (Those are supposed to be gagging noises)"

"I shut down my computer in the middle of an iTunes update and I think Siri just sent a Terminator back in time to kill teenage me."

"Cop1: Has becoming a father affected your work Cop2: Not a bit Cop1: Ok cover me, I'm going in Cop2: HI GOING IN I'M DAD [both get shot]"

"If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U & I and your hot friend Amber together."

"Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don't know where I am."

"Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A: A thought."

"Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth... Its pasteurized before you even see it!"

"How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?"