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Joke of the Day

"I shut down my computer in the middle of an iTunes update and I think Siri just sent a Terminator back in time to kill teenage me."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's big and heavy, the other's a little lighter."

"Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore."

"What Pokemon gave Nintendo cancer? Pokemon Uranium"

"What is the difference between a woman on her period and a terrorist? You can negotiate with terrorists"

"The MI5 are watching every move I make and breath I take... It seems it's a sting operation"

"My New Year's resolution is 1920 x 1080!"

"Where does Jane Fonda buy her groceries? Traitor Joe's."

"Eating a block of cheese is probably the most delicious way to figure out it's time to get some groceries."

"I was going to ask you to have anal sex with me... Butt fuck it."