212675

Joke of the Day

"What did Cinderella say before she got to the ball? Aghagghhghgagaggag (Those are supposed to be gagging noises)"

"Great way to end a phone conversation: Yell ""OH FUCK, METEOR!"", then hang up really hard."

"An atheist, a crossfitter, and a vegan are sitting at a bar... I know because Reddit reposted it and it made the front page."

"You know that movie Anaconda? They filmed it in my pants."

"What's the difference between clever and stupid ? you can't wank yourself clever."

"One time the top popped off my blender when I was making a smoothie. So... Yeah Iceland, I get it."

"I call bullshit on vampires that look all sexy and shit when they can't even see their reflection"

"""Isn't it strange how we were all once an egg?"" I told my wife. ""Well, grandpa still is,"" interrupted my son."

"Civilization is just one really long and annoying group project."

"(commercial for drugs) Man: Nothing is working out in my life VO: Have you tried drugs? Man: (startled) Who said that Narrator: ""Drugs"""