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Joke of the Day

"Hi 911, I'd like to report a drunk naked guy blasting off truck nuts w/ a shotgun. Time of incident? [takes drink] In about 20 minutes lol"

"Stages of inebriation: Sociable, fun, hilarious, inappropriate, bitter, sad, need new pants, need new friends."

"If you ever get drugged by someone and they steal an organ, just check Craigslist. That's probably where I'm selling it at."

"Vote for the Best Military Joke of 2008 | Funny Stuff | Reader's Digest"

"Give a woman a compliment, she'll smile for a day.. Teach a woman to fish for compliments & she'll be annoying for the rest of her life."

"What is a long distance love? It's when you're in the office, bed is at home and whiskey is in the bar."

"Banker: You're sure you want a reverse mortgage & get how it works? Me(imagines bank making huge unaffordable payments to me for years): Yes"

"Why is Superman's costume so tight? Because it only comes in size 'S'"

"Only God can judge me. *gets hit by lightning*"

"Me: *pets dog* Dog: Ruff Me: *pets dog* Dog: Ruff Me: *pets dog* Dog: Dude, I said your hands are ruff; can't you moisturize?"