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Joke of the Day

"Hi 911, I'd like to report a drunk naked guy blasting off truck nuts w/ a shotgun. Time of incident? [takes drink] In about 20 minutes lol"

"Why do we always see a Dung Beetle with a ball of shit? Because that's how he rolls. ^^/groan"

"My angry wife left me after she said "".. eat shit and die! "" And all I said was: ""So dinner is ready?""."

"What's Iron Man's favorite carnival ride? The ferrous wheel."

"What kind of vehicle swerved to miss a talking lizard in the road? Dodged-a-Rango"

"I will be in a bathroom stall later today to watch Trump's inauguration... ...it will forever be remembered as the day shit went down."

"Happy and Sad An old man says to his wife, ""Honey, there is no possible way to feel both happiness and sadness at the same time."" The wife says, ""Out of all your brothers, you have the biggest dick."""

"My neighbor just gave us a brand new dining set! I guess he was feeling particularly chairitable today."

"How do most women like their eggs? Ovarie-z"

"My friend and I were playing 'biggest number', and for my number I simply multiplied his number by itself. I won fair and square."