31963

Joke of the Day

"Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth... Its pasteurized before you even see it!"

"Why didn't the other viruses hang out with The Common Cold? Because he is a bad influenza"

"Why did the blind fly starve to death?? Because he couldn't see shit"

"""The world needs an arbiter of good taste and common sense, and I am fully qualified for that job."" - every living human"

"What is the difference between menstrual blood and sand? You can't gargle sand."

"Shot my first turkey yesterday... Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section at the grocery store."

"I bumped into the inventor of the selfie today His face was a picture"

"Who was the most popular cast member on The Facts of Life? Prostitootie."

"So I heard they've discontinued the Xbox 360... I guess it's an ex-box now."

"Flowers: Because nothing says ""sorry a loved one passed away"" like something else that'll wither and die right in front of you"