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Joke of the Day

"What's the funniest joke you know? (Here's one of mine) Two flies were arguing on a toilet seat. One got pissed off."

"Take it from me. Your wife will not like it if you say, ""My twitter girls would do that"""

"The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste."

"How do you get an elephant into a Safeway bag? You take the ""S"" out of ""safe"" and the ""F"" out of ""way""."

"What insect lives on nothing? Moths, because they eat holes."

"My daughter refuses to play with her Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM."

"[Home invasion] Me: isn't there anything ELSE you want to take? Burglar: lady I told you I'm married"

"3 women at a bar Talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage. One fits a cucumber. The other falls down the bar stool"

"Her: You have selective hearing. You never hear criticism and only hear things that make you look good. Me: Thanks, you look good too."

"I'm more optimistic than most. Some say the glass is half empty, some would say it's half full. I'd say ""Hey, That's a nice glass!"""