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Joke of the Day

"[Home invasion] Me: isn't there anything ELSE you want to take? Burglar: lady I told you I'm married"

"If I was a farmer the first thing I'd do is have a meeting with the roosters & cows & tell them to wake up around 9:30 instead of 5."

"Two melons were out for a romantic dinner. One melon said to the other, ""Honey, dew you love me?"" The other replied, ""Yes, but I cantaloupe!"" ### ...I'll show myself out"

"I'm going to start a band called Control Z We will play our songs, but start over half way through it."

"If you're a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money"

"If an ant smells bad, what is it called? De-Oder-Ant"

"Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman... ... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital."

"Hitler was the original Social Justice Warrior Adolf Hitler is the story of a failed liberal art student who blamed it on ethnicities he deemed privileged."

"What's the internal temperature of a Ton-ton? Lukewarm"

"Doing crazy things in public and not caring because you're with your best friends."