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Joke of the Day

"3 women at a bar Talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage. One fits a cucumber. The other falls down the bar stool"

"[demetri martin] A drunk driver is very dangerous. Everybody knows that. But so is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive. ""Go left."" -""Dude those are trees."" ""trust me."""

"Whats Black and Rhymes With Snoop Dr Dre"

"Why couldn't the octopus take off her bra? It had suction cups."

"Why do lesbians only shop at REI? Because they don't like Dick's."

"Hotel room bathrooms really overestimate how much I want to see my own naked body."

"Where do I see myself in ten years? I don't know. Let me think. *pictures self riding jet ski made of bones through space*"

"Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale it read ""one at a time please"""

"Why does your son call you big brother? Because he's your mom's kid."

"There has to be a line where 9/11 jokes aren't funny anymore... For me it's somewhere around the 70th floor. I'm sorry, I know that was terrible. I'll see myself out."