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Joke of the Day

"[1st date] Her: we should keep religion out of this *religion gets up & leaves the table* Me: see what u did? *I get up and chase after it*"

"Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank? He came in with buns glazing."

"7: ""Mama, if someone licked the treadmill, would that someone get sick?"" Me: ""Are you the someone?"" 7: ""Maybe"" Holy hell."

"Turtle 911: Whats ur emergency? Turtle: MY GIRLFRIEND JUST DISAPPEARED! 911: Have u tried looking in her house? Turtle: oops never mind."

"Before working to reunite the US he was known as Abram Lincoln."

"Lady Gaga got engaged on Valentine's Day with a heart-shaped ring, indicating her fiance shares her love for bold originality."

"My purse is deeper than some people."

"What do you tell a gardener with a psych major? I fucking hate my mom."

"An Iraqi father gave his daughter a new bag ... She said: ""thanks for the Baghdad"""

"The steak that I put in the Easy Bake Oven as a child is still not done"